big dreams

something i tell myself

  • The thing about effort is that it doesn’t really matter that you did a thing (run a mile, write a code) until you do it 20 or 30 times. You don’t see much gain by running a few miles on one day, but after 20 days of them you’ll see changes. Writing code seems to be the same… one day of code is a nice effort, but you haven’t done anything until 30 days of effort 
  • People are generally nice about it and such, but they have busy lives and are not quite interested in what you are ‘all about.’ Maybe even you yourself have found it hard to care about or see value in your work or efforts after a period of time (or any time.) Those are points where you might want to stop doing those things. But that’s almost always a Bad Decision, because…
  • Good things come from consistent, applied efforts in environments where people do not care or see value. Maybe it’s not super intense effort every day, but it’s consistent
  • because consistent effort gets you momentum
  • and momentum can change things

MGMT- Pieces of What

Moonlight on my floor
Shining through the roof
They got the city surrounded
As if I needed proof
I forgot my fear
Feelings on the rise
Buried by all of the pieces
Falling from the sky

But pieces of what
Pieces of what
We used to call home

He said he understood the problem but did not understand what I was saying. I covered up half of the equation with my hand. I said I knew the question but the algebra, oh, I’d forgotten what was allowed. Isolating the variable — do you remember this? It seems unfair, the things they let you do. Divide both sides by the coefficient? Why? Okay I know why but it’s funny how wild math can seem even when it’s right; correct.

i’m very conflicted about burning man. you ride bicycles in the desert, chase art cars for dust-covered raves. it’s a festival that encourages creativity and “radical inclusion.”

in practice, burning man is an arms race to see how weird you can get. you wear weird clothing — hippy, steampunky stuff — if you wear any at all. you wear neon lights, string them all over your bicycle. most burners drink, take molly, acid and shrooms. they relieve their hangovers with joints.

you can philosophize about what burning man is about, and most burners do that incessantly, but burning man is just an endurance contest for people looking to party. and frankly, it’s pretty fun when you stop caring.

burning man is a ridiculous, temporary, party city designed to make your trip burn brighter: there are strobe lights everywhere that fade through dust clouds, house music that plays 24 hours a day from parties all around you, encouraged nudity, open bars everywhere, probably more than a hundred significant art installations over the entire playa.

it’s an event that provides different things to different people: validation for some people, a party for others. some people really buy into the mysticism of burning the man and temple — they take it seriously and invite their mothers and fathers to burns to share the experience. others just want to dance. then there’s also the young people that just want to dance on speakers and be seen — these ‘sparkle ponies’ legitimately bring a majority of the drug-experience-seeking bros.

it was a fun week, even though it mostly felt like an outdoor, dust-covered nightclub. most of the burning man hate that you see on twitter is pretty accurate — it’s a place for “white girls to do performances,” it’s a dirt rave, it doesn’t subvert the patriarchy as it could — well… all valid points but an interesting experience nonetheless.

my sister’s puppy is too cute for words… my gosh. he also made the daily puppy, too! so famous and so young, hopefully it won’t go to his head.

my sister’s puppy is too cute for words… my gosh. he also made the daily puppy, too! so famous and so young, hopefully it won’t go to his head.

these “lost pet notifications” kill me, but i cannot unsubscribe. i want to save all the animals, but i cannot save all the animals.

these “lost pet notifications” kill me, but i cannot unsubscribe. i want to save all the animals, but i cannot save all the animals.

hello there… it’s been a while since i blogged. i’ve had so much tumbl-xiety that i haven’t posted anything in a long time. it’s silly, but i’m worried about unfollows — which is a really stupid reason to not create stuff. but alas, that’s how my mind works. 
it’s funny, the thing i love most about tumblr is reading other people’s writing/posts/etc, and hearting things. (probably i heart too much, actually…) i never unfollow people here (but twitter and facebook? unfollow constantly…) but i figure it’s weird if i just heart stuff and never talk about myself anymore, so here’s some stuff that i don’t talk about, for one reason or another.
i got laid off about 4 months ago. hurray. my small consulting company that i worked for went out of business for a variety of reasons… i wouldn’t say that it was completely my fault (i was only a developer anyway, and all of the clients i worked on continue to work with me personally) — but it was a failure on my end to build a sustainable business. i learned that kind of shitty people can screw you over and get better jobs because they were the first to jump ship. 
i’m pretty embarrassed to be out of work again. i also regret spending so much time and effort on a company that doesn’t really give a shit about me. 
i applied to 10 jobs in charleston, south carolina. no responses from about 3, interviews at about 4, final interviews at 2 of those 4. one job offer that was rescinded because i wouldn’t accept it fast enough. i have a lot of feels about all of this, but whatever. the job world is so fucked in a variety of ways that you can only just laugh at it (and try not to let the overwhelming sadness of it all crush you.)
i’m now working at a startup, but i’m working for equity only. i’m really embarrassed about this, as i promised myself that my days of working for free were over. but it’s a solid idea, one that i actually believe in, and one that might actually help people (it’s a healthcare-type company.) i’ve been given a substantial equity position, and hopefully we will have funding within 3 or 4 months.
i’ve decided to move from charleston, sc to palo alto, ca. the above picture is somewhere in arizona. i was driving towards this mountain for literally hours… it was very pretty, and it slowly got bigger, and i thought about skiing down it, and then i went by it.
when i look back at how my life has changed since i moved from maine about 2 years ago, very little has changed. i’ve devoted too much of my time to a company that no longer exists. this is a regret. i made some good friends down in charleston, but i also spent too much time working instead of building those friendships beyond work-friendships. i failed to meet a charleston girl, but i also didn’t even try a little bit.
so now i am in kingman, arizona, and tomorrow morning i will cross into california and finish up the last leg of a journey to palo alto that i’ve been dreaming about for a long, long time. to be honest, i am terrified, but i’m also excited. life is too short to do the same things i always do, and now is a good time for change. 

hello there… it’s been a while since i blogged. i’ve had so much tumbl-xiety that i haven’t posted anything in a long time. it’s silly, but i’m worried about unfollows — which is a really stupid reason to not create stuff. but alas, that’s how my mind works. 

it’s funny, the thing i love most about tumblr is reading other people’s writing/posts/etc, and hearting things. (probably i heart too much, actually…) i never unfollow people here (but twitter and facebook? unfollow constantly…) but i figure it’s weird if i just heart stuff and never talk about myself anymore, so here’s some stuff that i don’t talk about, for one reason or another.

  1. i got laid off about 4 months ago. hurray. my small consulting company that i worked for went out of business for a variety of reasons… i wouldn’t say that it was completely my fault (i was only a developer anyway, and all of the clients i worked on continue to work with me personally) — but it was a failure on my end to build a sustainable business. i learned that kind of shitty people can screw you over and get better jobs because they were the first to jump ship. 
  2. i’m pretty embarrassed to be out of work again. i also regret spending so much time and effort on a company that doesn’t really give a shit about me. 
  3. i applied to 10 jobs in charleston, south carolina. no responses from about 3, interviews at about 4, final interviews at 2 of those 4. one job offer that was rescinded because i wouldn’t accept it fast enough. i have a lot of feels about all of this, but whatever. the job world is so fucked in a variety of ways that you can only just laugh at it (and try not to let the overwhelming sadness of it all crush you.)
  4. i’m now working at a startup, but i’m working for equity only. i’m really embarrassed about this, as i promised myself that my days of working for free were over. but it’s a solid idea, one that i actually believe in, and one that might actually help people (it’s a healthcare-type company.) i’ve been given a substantial equity position, and hopefully we will have funding within 3 or 4 months.
  5. i’ve decided to move from charleston, sc to palo alto, ca. the above picture is somewhere in arizona. i was driving towards this mountain for literally hours… it was very pretty, and it slowly got bigger, and i thought about skiing down it, and then i went by it.

when i look back at how my life has changed since i moved from maine about 2 years ago, very little has changed. i’ve devoted too much of my time to a company that no longer exists. this is a regret. i made some good friends down in charleston, but i also spent too much time working instead of building those friendships beyond work-friendships. i failed to meet a charleston girl, but i also didn’t even try a little bit.

so now i am in kingman, arizona, and tomorrow morning i will cross into california and finish up the last leg of a journey to palo alto that i’ve been dreaming about for a long, long time. to be honest, i am terrified, but i’m also excited. life is too short to do the same things i always do, and now is a good time for change. 

the thing about addiction is that you just replace one habit with another. stop drinking? start smoking. stop smoking? start exercising. stop exercising? fucking play starcraft.

relapse. back to drinking. replace one habit with another.

it’s the dumbest shit in the world to be a recovering alcoholic at 26, but there’s something particularly sad and heartbreaking about someone that is 50 years old and still drinks themselves to sleep every night.

part of me is glad i stopped, but the other part of me is like lol bro, nothing has changed at all.

cool life, bro. you make good life decisions

taking the dogs to doggy day care for the weekend. you can’t see it, but Bogey (pictured) is sitting on top of Alley.

taking the dogs to doggy day care for the weekend. you can’t see it, but Bogey (pictured) is sitting on top of Alley.