big dreams

my sister’s puppy is too cute for words… my gosh. he also made the daily puppy, too! so famous and so young, hopefully it won’t go to his head.

my sister’s puppy is too cute for words… my gosh. he also made the daily puppy, too! so famous and so young, hopefully it won’t go to his head.

these “lost pet notifications” kill me, but i cannot unsubscribe. i want to save all the animals, but i cannot save all the animals.

these “lost pet notifications” kill me, but i cannot unsubscribe. i want to save all the animals, but i cannot save all the animals.

hello there… it’s been a while since i blogged. i’ve had so much tumbl-xiety that i haven’t posted anything in a long time. it’s silly, but i’m worried about unfollows — which is a really stupid reason to not create stuff. but alas, that’s how my mind works.  it’s funny, the thing i love most about tumblr is reading other people’s writing/posts/etc, and hearting things. (probably i heart too much, actually…) i never unfollow people here (but twitter and facebook? unfollow constantly…) but i figure it’s weird if i just heart stuff and never talk about myself anymore, so here’s some stuff that i don’t talk about, for one reason or another. i got laid off about 4 months ago. hurray. my small consulting company that i worked for went out of business for a variety of reasons… i wouldn’t say that it was completely my fault (i was only a developer anyway, and all of the clients i worked on continue to work with me personally) — but it was a failure on my end to build a sustainable business. i learned that kind of shitty people can screw you over and get better jobs because they were the first to jump ship.  i’m pretty embarrassed to be out of work again. i also regret spending so much time and effort on a company that doesn’t really give a shit about me.  i applied to 10 jobs in charleston, south carolina. no responses from about 3, interviews at about 4, final interviews at 2 of those 4. one job offer that was rescinded because i wouldn’t accept it fast enough. i have a lot of feels about all of this, but whatever. the job world is so fucked in a variety of ways that you can only just laugh at it (and try not to let the overwhelming sadness of it all crush you.) i’m now working at a startup, but i’m working for equity only. i’m really embarrassed about this, as i promised myself that my days of working for free were over. but it’s a solid idea, one that i actually believe in, and one that might actually help people (it’s a healthcare-type company.) i’ve been given a substantial equity position, and hopefully we will have funding within 3 or 4 months. i’ve decided to move from charleston, sc to palo alto, ca. the above picture is somewhere in arizona. i was driving towards this mountain for literally hours… it was very pretty, and it slowly got bigger, and i thought about skiing down it, and then i went by it. when i look back at how my life has changed since i moved from maine about 2 years ago, very little has changed. i’ve devoted too much of my time to a company that no longer exists. this is a regret. i made some good friends down in charleston, but i also spent too much time working instead of building those friendships beyond work-friendships. i failed to meet a charleston girl, but i also didn’t even try a little bit. so now i am in kingman, arizona, and tomorrow morning i will cross into california and finish up the last leg of a journey to palo alto that i’ve been dreaming about for a long, long time. to be honest, i am terrified, but i’m also excited. life is too short to do the same things i always do, and now is a good time for change. 

hello there… it’s been a while since i blogged. i’ve had so much tumbl-xiety that i haven’t posted anything in a long time. it’s silly, but i’m worried about unfollows — which is a really stupid reason to not create stuff. but alas, that’s how my mind works. 

it’s funny, the thing i love most about tumblr is reading other people’s writing/posts/etc, and hearting things. (probably i heart too much, actually…) i never unfollow people here (but twitter and facebook? unfollow constantly…) but i figure it’s weird if i just heart stuff and never talk about myself anymore, so here’s some stuff that i don’t talk about, for one reason or another.

  1. i got laid off about 4 months ago. hurray. my small consulting company that i worked for went out of business for a variety of reasons… i wouldn’t say that it was completely my fault (i was only a developer anyway, and all of the clients i worked on continue to work with me personally) — but it was a failure on my end to build a sustainable business. i learned that kind of shitty people can screw you over and get better jobs because they were the first to jump ship. 
  2. i’m pretty embarrassed to be out of work again. i also regret spending so much time and effort on a company that doesn’t really give a shit about me. 
  3. i applied to 10 jobs in charleston, south carolina. no responses from about 3, interviews at about 4, final interviews at 2 of those 4. one job offer that was rescinded because i wouldn’t accept it fast enough. i have a lot of feels about all of this, but whatever. the job world is so fucked in a variety of ways that you can only just laugh at it (and try not to let the overwhelming sadness of it all crush you.)
  4. i’m now working at a startup, but i’m working for equity only. i’m really embarrassed about this, as i promised myself that my days of working for free were over. but it’s a solid idea, one that i actually believe in, and one that might actually help people (it’s a healthcare-type company.) i’ve been given a substantial equity position, and hopefully we will have funding within 3 or 4 months.
  5. i’ve decided to move from charleston, sc to palo alto, ca. the above picture is somewhere in arizona. i was driving towards this mountain for literally hours… it was very pretty, and it slowly got bigger, and i thought about skiing down it, and then i went by it.

when i look back at how my life has changed since i moved from maine about 2 years ago, very little has changed. i’ve devoted too much of my time to a company that no longer exists. this is a regret. i made some good friends down in charleston, but i also spent too much time working instead of building those friendships beyond work-friendships. i failed to meet a charleston girl, but i also didn’t even try a little bit.

so now i am in kingman, arizona, and tomorrow morning i will cross into california and finish up the last leg of a journey to palo alto that i’ve been dreaming about for a long, long time. to be honest, i am terrified, but i’m also excited. life is too short to do the same things i always do, and now is a good time for change. 

the thing about addiction is that you just replace one habit with another. stop drinking? start smoking. stop smoking? start exercising. stop exercising? fucking play starcraft.

relapse. back to drinking. replace one habit with another.

it’s the dumbest shit in the world to be a recovering alcoholic at 26, but there’s something particularly sad and heartbreaking about someone that is 50 years old and still drinks themselves to sleep every night.

part of me is glad i stopped, but the other part of me is like lol bro, nothing has changed at all.

cool life, bro. you make good life decisions

taking the dogs to doggy day care for the weekend. you can’t see it, but Bogey (pictured) is sitting on top of Alley.

taking the dogs to doggy day care for the weekend. you can’t see it, but Bogey (pictured) is sitting on top of Alley.

birthday bones

That 99% of compulsive thinkers’ thinking is about themselves; that 99% of this self-directed thinking consists of imagining and then getting ready for things that are going to happen to them; and then, weirdly, that if they stop to think about it, that 100% of the things they spend 99% of their time and energy imagining and trying to prepare for all the contingencies and consequences of are never good. Then that this connects interestingly with the early-sobriety urge to pray for the literal loss of one’s mind. In short that 99% of the head’s thinking activity consists of trying to scare the everliving shit out of itself.

—David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

What passes for hip cynical transcendence of sentiment is really some kind of fear of being really human, since to be really human […] is probably to be unavoidably sentimental and naïve and goo-prone and generally pathetic.

—David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

He didn’t reject the idea so much as not react to it and watch as it floated away. He thought very broadly of desires and ideas being watched but not acted upon, he thought of impulses being starved of expression and dying out and floating dryly away.

—David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest